Because He Has Tourette Syndrome

because-he-has-tourette-syndrome

 

I have known several parents who made excuses for their children, mistakenly thinking they were helping them. Several years ago a principal at a local junior high told me about a boy in his school who was struggling with self-esteem issues, but really wanted to be the student who made the morning announcements over the PA system. After consultation with his teachers, the principal decided to give him a chance and the boy excelled with this opportunity. Within a week, this boy’s father called and demanded that someone else make the morning announcements. Curious, the principal asked why and the father told him, “Because he has Tourette syndrome.” This father was making excuses, perhaps because he was embarrassed for his son, but this excuse rather than strengthening his son interfered with his personal growth. I believe the following poem illustrates what we want to help our children learn as they navigate their lives.

 

Life is like a mountain railroad, with an engineer that’s brave;
We must make the run successful, from the cradle to the grave;
Watch the curves, the fills, the tunnels; never falter, never quail;
Keep your hand upon the throttle, and your eyes upon the rail.

Author unknown

 

We all want the best for our children and we don’t want them to fail but we also want to help them understand that making excuses will not lead to success. When we as parents provide excuses, we may believe we are making our children’s lives more tolerable but the reality is personal growth comes when like the engineer they have the chance to stretch and grow.

Please send me your thoughts.


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Anne's Corner

By Anne Evans-Cazier, LCSW

In my opinion the father in this story really missed the whole point of trying things that are hard and even a bit risky. Of course it would have been a risk to step up and make the announcements. Of course his son could have made a mistake or been teased for being different, the father himself could have been embarrassed and, although painful, all of these could have been opportunities for growth. The son could also have been successful and gained the respect of others, made new connections, and felt more a part of his school community, the father could have been proud of his son for taking the risk, whatever the outcome, also great opportunities for growth. Where are you and your child? When they want to do things where they might struggle or even fail, do you encourage and support them, or try to protect them? When they are afraid to take risks, do you encourage them to play it safe, or try to help them look at all the possibilities and let them know that you think they are amazing just for being willing to try and then learn from whatever happens? Start now, however old you child is, and make it a fun family tradition to create a game of challenges: if they ran to the tree in the park, challenge them to go on to the next one or to run back even faster. If they are bored, challenge them to come up with three ideas of something to do for under $5. Always reward effort, personal growth and progress, not some objective standard of achievement. By encouraging your child to step up to small challenges you can help them prepare to take bigger risks, confident in the knowledge that you value them and they can value themselves regardless of the outcome.

Anne's Corner

By Anne Evans-Cazier, LCSW

In my opinion the father in this story really missed the whole point of trying things that are hard and even a bit risky. Of course it would have been a risk to step up and make the announcements. Of course his son could have made a mistake or been teased for being different, the father himself could have been embarrassed and, although painful, all of these could have been opportunities for growth. The son could also have been successful and gained the respect of others, made new connections, and felt more a part of his school community, the father could have been proud of his son for taking the risk, whatever the outcome, also great opportunities for growth. Where are you and your child? When they want to do things where they might struggle or even fail, do you encourage and support them, or try to protect them? When they are afraid to take risks, do you encourage them to play it safe, or try to help them look at all the possibilities and let them know that you think they are amazing just for being willing to try and then learn from whatever happens? Start now, however old you child is, and make it a fun family tradition to create a game of challenges: if they ran to the tree in the park, challenge them to go on to the next one or to run back even faster. If they are bored, challenge them to come up with three ideas of something to do for under $5. Always reward effort, personal growth and progress, not some objective standard of achievement. By encouraging your child to step up to small challenges you can help them prepare to take bigger risks, confident in the knowledge that you value them and they can value themselves regardless of the outcome.