The Boy From Indonesia

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When I was in junior high Roy and his family moved into my neighborhood. They were immigrants from Indonesia and didn’t speak English.

Roy was a fun guy with a great personality, a smile that was always present, and a desire to fit in with his new American friends. Culturally he was out of place, didn’t know the social mores, and his language skills made him an easy target for cruelty.

Some classmates got great pleasure encouraging him do inappropriate things that led him into trouble. For example, once they encouraged him to approach a girl and make vulgar and inappropriate comments. Another time his “friends” led Roy into more trouble when they made the principal the target of their cruelty.

As the year proceeded, his so called friends continued to goad Roy into more and more activities that became increasingly more serious and destructive. For some reason, perhaps because he wanted to be accepted, he chose to continue this association.

One of parents’ big concerns is how well their children will be able to adjust, live, and function in society. Using Roy’s story as an example, I believe parents can prevent a similar problems by helping their children understand that they cannot control the actions of others but they control their reactions. Helping our children learn that controlling their reactions leads to making wise decisions is a resiliency skill worth developing.


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Anne's Corner

By Anne Evans-Cazier, LCSW

What do you value? 

As your child watches you day to day, can they tell what you value by the way you spend your time and other resources?  By the way you talk about and treat your family, your neighbors, and others in your community?

A huge part of creating a strong, trusting relationship with our children is teaching them our values through our words and actions, and then helping them learn figure out what their own values are and how to live consistently with them.  The older your child gets the more likely it is that their friends will influence their values.  No matter how old your child is, be curious about who they spend time with, get to know their friends and what’s going on at their school, find out what their friends value and how they influence your child.

Help your child think about their own values and learn to stand up for them by your example, by role plays, by helping them  think about how they will respond to situations before they occur.  If your own actions don’t reflect your values, there is no better time than now to start to change that.

2 Comments

  1. test
    Anne Beus on February 14, 2016 at 11:14 pm

    Good lead in story.

  2. test
    Anne Beus on February 14, 2016 at 11:16 pm

    Good lead-in story. This is not a repeat comment; this is the first time I’ve seen your website!

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Anne's Corner

By Anne Evans-Cazier, LCSW

What do you value? 

As your child watches you day to day, can they tell what you value by the way you spend your time and other resources?  By the way you talk about and treat your family, your neighbors, and others in your community?

A huge part of creating a strong, trusting relationship with our children is teaching them our values through our words and actions, and then helping them learn figure out what their own values are and how to live consistently with them.  The older your child gets the more likely it is that their friends will influence their values.  No matter how old your child is, be curious about who they spend time with, get to know their friends and what’s going on at their school, find out what their friends value and how they influence your child.

Help your child think about their own values and learn to stand up for them by your example, by role plays, by helping them  think about how they will respond to situations before they occur.  If your own actions don’t reflect your values, there is no better time than now to start to change that.