Challenges of Playing Monopoly

Monopoly is one of those games that has probably been around since man first learned how to barter for bread, butter, and meat. I would not be surprised if someday the rules for this game are found in the non-translated manuscript of the Dead Sea Scrolls. I am certain that ancient merchants used it to establish their trading business of transporting their wares to market. 


I believe the concepts learned in Monopoly are taught in great business schools such as Stanford, Harvard, Yale, and Princeton. Parents of the modern age use this game to establish a fiscal foundation for teaching their children how to manage money and prepare them to become big-time financial wizards with an office on Wall Street. 


But the question remains: What does society today do with those children born with the incurable, biological disability known as “Degenerative Monopoly Syndrome” (DMS)? This destructive emotional illness is becoming an epidemic of alarming proportion, which threatens to destroy the financial market in the United States.


The manifestation of DMS include symptoms such as: jittery arms and legs at the first sight of the monopoly box; a sudden interest in doing homework; begging to take a nap or go to bed; tears streaming down the cheeks when forced to choose the shape of their game piece; extreme happiness when getting the “go to jail” card and the same amount of frustration when drawing the “get out of jail” card; frequent bathroom breaks; and finally, after playing for exactly one hour and forty-five minutes the most devastating DMS symptom occurs, when the afflicted player stands up to go get a drink of water and seriously leg bumps the table, scattering the Monopoly game and its pieces all over the room.


This condition can ruin the average child, but it must be noted that not all hope is lost. Parents can implement Rapid, Replacement, Reserve Therapy (RRRT). If incorporated quickly the child will grow up to be normal. 


While the makers of Monopoly recognize the importance of this game to the financial stability of our economy, they are also aware of the potential devastation if this business epidemic cannot be prevented. In a truly altruistic gesture this manufacture has invested millions of dollars into the newly CDC approved RRRT prevention solution.


The RRRT is an easy to implement preventative solution to the DMS epidemic. It consists of parents implementing one of the following strategies: 1) teach their children patience and focus by making them count the grass blades growing in the front yard (of course for this to be effective the parents need to know how many there really are); 2) teach endurance by requiring something simple such as having them mathematically calculate the time it takes to flush exactly 1,250,210 drops of water down the toilet; or 3) teach them the art of negotiation by having them get on their knees and practice effective begging. 


I regret to reveal that my parents were unaware of these effective treatments during my formative years, and I remain afflicted with advanced DMS. No Monopoly game board is safe in my presence for longer than one hour and forty-four minutes. Who can say what great financial achievements could have been mine if only I had received early intervention?


All teasing aside (and that’s a tall order for me!), there are many fun, effective ways to teach patience, focus, endurance, and the art of negotiation, all great skills to help our kids enjoy more resilient wins at home and school and beyond. Monopoly is certainly one of them.


Happy Failing Forward,

Calvert


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