Calvert Will You Dance with Me?

When I was in the seventh grade, my self-esteem was not very high. I didn’t think that I was very smart, I thought I was always the odd man out, and I was really shy especially around girls. The stress of talking to a girl was almost more than I could endure. I wanted to talk with them but when I got close to a girl my mind went blank and my mouth stopped working. I envied my friends who could make friends with girls and laugh and joke with them and be comfortable around them. No matter how hard I tried words would not come out of my mouth whenever a girl was near me and if something did come out it usually made no sense, or the girls would look at me and make a funny face (my perception). 

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It was traditional in our school that the seventh graders had an end of the year dance, and it was not just a regular dance, but it required dance cards. For those who may not know what I’m talking about let me try and explain. Let’s assume that there may be ten dances and we had to ask a partner if they would dance with us for a particular dance. This card had to be filled out several days before the dance. For example, if I wanted to ask someone to dance with me, I would approach them and ask if they would be my partner for dance number “3”. If they had the spot open, they may say yes, and we would write each other’s name on the line for the third dance. If their number 3 was not available, we would try to negotiate for one that was open. Needless to say, I was traumatized at the thought of being expected to attend with my card filled. For two weeks I carried an empty dance card in my pocket fearing the thought of having to ask someone to dance with me.

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I remember a girl named Marsha who in my opinion was the most beautiful girl in seventh grade. She made me nervous just being close to her and thinking of asking her to dance with me was not even a hopeful thought in my mind. She had long blonde hair, a perfect complexion, and a smile that sent me into heaven. I had known her since the first grade and only talked with her once or twice in all that time (and I’m sure that what I said didn’t make any sense). 

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A few days before the dance, Marsha approached me and asked if I would be her dance partner for one dance. I don't know if I even answered her or just nodded my head, but I did write her name on my card. She smiled, said thanks, turned, and walked away. I had that dance circled on my mind for the next several days.

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The day of the dance finally arrived, and I was excited and scared as I looked forward to dancing with Marsha. I enjoyed holding her as we danced and talking with her and looking at her smile. After the dance I thought to myself that I was very fortunate because I didn’t step on her toes. I don’t remember if I danced any other dances that afternoon, but I know that because I danced with Marsha, I left the dance feeling good about myself and I even had a good time.

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​I have often thought about this experience and wondered why Marsha asked me to dance. I don’t know the answer to that question, but I like to believe it was because she recognized my shyness and awkwardness and was sensitive to my needs. She was a thoughtful person who used her talents to lift me when I needed lifting. 

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Her willingness to give of herself was a small, meaningful step in my progression of obtaining confidence and hope. Lifting others in simple, unobtrusive ways is a resiliency skill that we could all develop and teach to our children.

Happy failing forward,

Calvert Cazier  


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