False Beliefs

Some time ago my grandson Calvert asked me what I believed as a child and was surprised to learn was not true. I offer the following thoughts.

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I’m not sure but I think I was the most gullible child in the entire world. I mean I was 15 years old when I found out that Tony the Tiger was not real. Before that I believed that when he talked about Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes and said they “Were Great” I thought he was a real talking tiger that lived in the Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake City, Utah. The day I found out he was just a cartoon character I quit eating that cereal, which at the time was my favorite. The surprising thing was that it took me until I was 15 to realize it.

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A second mystery I wondered about was why Wile E. Coyote could never catch the Road Runner. I was convinced that both characters were real and obviously everyone knows that a coyote is much smarter than a road runner so why was he always the defeated one? I mean the Road Runner would get boulders dropped on his head, run over by cars, and blown up with dynamite and Wile E. Coyote still could never stop his pranks or torments. One day when I was 14 my mother took me aside and explained that Wile E. Coyote was only the figment of some cartoonist’s imagination. This disclosure was devastating to me, after all I identified with this coyote.
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I’m starting to become a little paranoid while writing this because I believe in being honest and forthright, but I’m beginning to sense that in the process people might look at me and wonder about my sanity. The scariest thing is that I’m starting to wonder whether there might be something abnormal about me. Oh, well! I can’t worry about little things like this so I’m just going to continue and apply a concept I learned from my dad about living life, just “let the water run where it will run!”

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For years I wondered how a cowboy on television could get shot, drink some booze for pain, let the doctor dig the bullet out with a pair of rusty pliers, and then get out of bed and go get the guy who shot him. I was also curious about the cowboys in a gun fight who never seemed to run out of ammunition.

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There was something else about cowboy movies that kind of bothered me as I watched John Wayne and other cowboys throw someone through a glass window or break a chair over a guy’s head or swear and not have their mouth washed out with soap. I wondered where their mothers were during their growing up period.
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I was also intrigued that after these cowboys were killed, they always showed up the next week on another television show. I was 25 years old when my wife finally explained that film studios use doubles, and the main dudes aren’t really the ones being beaten up or killed. I rewarded her with a big kiss for helping me solve this massive problem.
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I think I was 35-40 when I realized that Peter Pan didn’t really lose his shadow, and this was another made up fable just so the author could tell a story. I was devastated when I learned this because it meant that my boyhood hero who fought to save Wendy and Tinkerbell was also a figment of some clever person’s imagination. I have frequently pondered the following two questions: 1) When are clever authors going to stop making up stories that destroy a child’s perception of the world? and 2) Why can’t they make up true stories, so we have real heroes and not fictional ones?”
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Come on, guys! Let’s do right by our children. The next thing I will probably learn is that Santa Claus is not real, and the North Pole workshop is an imaginary place and that little elves don’t really make Santa’s toys. I mean, enough is enough!
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With all these fictionalized tales I learned throughout my life, it’s a miracle I survived childhood. One other problem I’m troubled about is the effects of all these made-up stories and characters on the hundreds of thousands of other children being traumatized in a similar manner to me. If something isn’t done about this Public Health crisis soon, Congress is going to have a real credibility challenge that will create a major mental health problem in the children of America. I strongly recommend writing to your congressman or congresswoman and encourage them to act quickly. Our children’s lives depend on it otherwise we will have millions of children suffering the same kind of trauma that I have suffered all these years. This condition is known as Childhood Imaginary Devastation Syndrome (CIDS) and it is a terrible reality checker.
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Perhaps we should all write to our Congressional representatives and encourage them to pass legislation prohibiting writers from using their imagination while writing stories and by so doing prevent the destruction of our children’s morals.

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On the other hand, imagination is a marvelous thing for our children to have and develop. So, on reflection, let’s teach them the value of being creative and applying it in their lives. Doing this will prepare them for success in so many ways.

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Happy Failing Forward,