Parental Advice: A Blessing or Not!

Lately my grandson has been interested in learning more about me and he’s been asking some interesting questions. One of his recent questions was “What advice did I get from my parents about life” and then he asked if I followed it. I don’t remember any advice they gave me that I didn’t follow. Now, I’m not saying that I am a perfect example of obedience but overall, I believe that I probably listened to them more than I ignored their teachings and admonitions.


I must admit, however, that there were times when I chose to do something that they would disapprove of, and I never got caught. For some of these acts of mischief I may have had a guilty conscience, at least for a while, but there were other times where my conscience should have kicked in but didn’t. 


To adequately answer this question, I must address it in three parts: 1) the advice they gave me; 2) the advice I think they probably gave; and 3) the subtle advice they gave by the way they lived their lives.


First, advice I remember getting from my mom:

1. She used to say (as did millions of other moms across the country), “Eat all your food! There are thousands of starving children in China!” 
2. Frequently she would also say to one of her children who came home with hurt feelings, “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but names and faces will never hurt you!” She obviously believed this, but she was wrong because in many ways names and faces can be more devastating than sticks or stones. 
3. She would also admonish us with, “Be careful what you wish for!” 
4. Mom used to quote Teddy Roosevelt (at least she thought it was from him), “Spare the rod and spoil the child”. She never believed this nor did she ever apply it. 
5. One piece of advice she gave me for which I was very grateful was when a school counselor told me that I wasn’t smart enough for college. Mom basically convinced me to believe in myself and she helped me understand that if I worked hard and didn’t give up, I would graduate from college. I listened and I did.

Second, the advice my parents might have given or should have given me, is as follows: 

1. “Calvert, it would be easier for you to STAY out of trouble rather than trying to GET out of trouble.” 
2. Something else I could probably hear them say is, “Remember son, if it was easy then everyone would do it!” 
3. “You have two ears and one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak." (This is something my dad was very good at doing. Me, I think I have two mouths and one ear).
4. “Never compare yourself to others. It's a waste of energy. You are unique and have your own gifts so develop them and move forward with your life.”
5. “Choose a profession that you really love, and if you do, you won’t work a day in your life.”

Third, the subtle advice I received through their example is the most significant, life altering, and precious advice of anything else. Some examples of this are: 

1. "No" is a complete sentence. (I learned what “NO” meant).
2. Your attitude is always your choice.
3. Be grateful for whatever you have or accomplish.
4. Work on being happy. Happiness starts within. Do not expect anyone else to make you happy.
5. Treat everyone with kindness and love.

One important thing they never once said to me was “you’re doing it wrong!” Rather than discouraging me after I tried something they would try to teach me a better way. They would always appreciate my efforts and encourage me to keep trying to improve but never say or do anything to make me want to quit. For example, I remember a period in my elementary school life when I got interested in drawing birds. My parents had a book with pictures of many kinds of birds, and I decided to try drawing some of them. I’m sure they were funny looking and childlike, but I was proud of them. I would show my artwork to my parents, and they told me it was good and encouraged me to continue drawing. This was typical of the way my parents handled anything I wanted to try.


I only remember one time when my dad ever gave me advice that was valuable but somewhat negative. I had an idea to go to barber school and work part-time with him as a barber while I went to college. Dad accepted the idea of me being a barber if that was what I really wanted but he advised me that I could not be a part-time barber. If I wanted to be a barber, it should be a full-time job. I listened to him and because I really didn’t want to barber as a profession, I didn’t pursue this career choice. 


Advice comes in many different forms. As parents we need to be careful about what we share with our children and do it in a way that they know we are not being critical but rather that we are offering the help that we believe can benefit them. Let’s be advisors as well as listeners, after all they are some of our most important assets. It would be terrible to lose their trust or the opportunity to share our wisdom with them.

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Happy Failing Forward,