A Father, A Daughter, and A Cell Phone

A short time ago, my son Peter and I went to the Black Bear Diner for breakfast. It was a beautiful Saturday morning, and we were preparing to go up to my wife’s family cabin which is up above Oakley, Utah.

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​​As we were waiting to be served a young father (probably in his mid-twenties) and his five- or six-year-old daughter came and sat down at the table next to us.

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I got the feeling that he was a single father who had his daughter for the day and was treating her to a pancake breakfast and some hot chocolate. I was impressed at how attentive and engaging he was to his young daughter. He talked with her and made her smile as she responded to his actions, and I could tell that he really loved her and she him. I was mesmerized by this interaction and kept sneaking peeks of the two of them.

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A few minutes later I peeked once again but this time things seemed to be different. This loving father was now engrossed with his cell phone and a text message he had just received, and I noticed that he was ignoring his precious little daughter. I mean completely ignoring her and when I looked a little closer, I noticed something else that disturbed me. The little girl had an electronic device on which she was playing games.

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She was not interested in the game that was on her screen and shortly after picking it up she set her game down and kept trying to get his attention. She started by stirring his coffee but still the father kept texting and ignoring his daughter’s silent plea for some attention. Then she started playing with her silverware and exaggerating her motions so he would notice but again it didn’t work. He continued to focus on whatever was on his phone.

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Finally, she got the hint and picked her game up off the bench and began to play once again. Her attention span to the game was short and before long she got bored and tried one more time to get him to look at her. At this time, I had to ask myself, “what was so important that he chose to focus on his phone rather than giving his daughter a few minutes of his time?”

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She was such a pretty little girl with long dark hair and a beautiful smile who seemed to only want her dad’s attention. She got it a few minutes later when their breakfast was served. Her father finally gave her the smile and attention she craved and even took the time to help her cut up her pancakes before he went back to his phone. Again, I wondered why he chose his phone over his daughter.

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Every now and then he would briefly put his phone down to check on his daughter and to put some food in his mouth but then went back to his phone.
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Just watching the limited interaction this man had with his daughter led me to believe that he really loved this little girl and the way he ignored her I thought was done without thinking of what he was doing. Nor did he realize the subtle message that he was sending.


​​​At this point I was curious about people sitting at other tables, so I began looking around to watch them. I guess I was not surprised but, in a way, maybe I was. At almost every table I observed I saw people focused on their cell phone. I guess I may be living in an old body with a warped sense of eating meals together and mingling by talking and laughing and paying attention to what was going on around me.

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I was particularly struck by one young couple who came in shortly before we left. They were seated in the booth just behind the young father and little girl. As they sat down the guy (husband, boyfriend?) immediately took out his phone and started scrolling down to see what was happening in his world. I watched the young woman with curiosity and noticed that she appeared to be a bit frustrated with this guy. When the man happened to look up at her he saw that she did not look pleased with his actions, he got the hint, put his phone away, and they started talking. Imagine that!

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It was amazing how quickly this woman’s demeanor changed. She went from a disgruntled frown to a happy face in a matter of moments. It made me think of the song, “If you chance to meet a frown do not let it stay. Quickly turn it upside down and smile that frown away.” That’s exactly what happened to this woman when her man stopped paying more attention to his phone than to her.

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Perhaps we should all remember to have more consideration for those we are with by paying more attention to them than to our phone.

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Wow! While sitting at the table taking notes for this story, I realized that I was indulging in the same type of behavior as the people I was writing about. I was putting other things ahead of paying attention to my son Peter and neglected him. At this point I explained what I was doing and asked for his patience (which he gave) and finished taking notes and then put my phone away. As we drove up the canyon, I shared my notes with him. A lame excuse, I know, but at least I talked about it.

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From this point forward it will be my responsibility to learn from my mistakes and do a better job of taking my phone out of the conversation. What about you? Are you ready to join me?



Happy Failing Forward,