Grandma’s Tears

Picture: Little Lois and Grandma Call

My parents didn’t talk much about their early lives so it’s not a surprise that I don’t remember many stories from them describing their childhood, teenage years, young adulthood, or for that matter not much of anything from their history before I became part of it. They didn't talk about themselves unless I asked specific questions and when they did share their stories, they often downplayed the events. For example, my mom suffered a serious burn from hot grease to her head, face, and neck. She would never tell me much about it and when she did, she wouldn’t describe its severity. 

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I didn't learn how serious it was or the impact it had on her life until I asked her mom, Grandma Call, and then she told me the story from her perspective, and she included some of the challenges Mom faced, things my mom hadn’t shared. When I finally learned more about her burn, I challenged Mom to be more upfront with me and because I was armed with Grandma’s version of what happened, she finally told me the real story which collaborated with Grandma's version. 

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Why wouldn’t she talk about this experience that so impacted her life and became an anchor of who she was, and how she taught her four children? Her burn led her to adopt a kindness and affinity to those who were less fortunate. In fact, this philosophy was foundational to her belief and kindness towards anyone who was different, and she taught her children this principle and would not tolerate any deviation.

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Again, I ask, why wouldn’t Mom talk about this experience until after I heard it from Grandma and confronted her? The answer is simple, “I don’t know!” 

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Perhaps it was too painful for her to talk about or perhaps she didn't want to draw attention to herself, maybe her memories were filled with scars, both emotional and physical. I guess the real reason doesn’t matter because eventually we learned the truth but what would we have missed in Mom’s history if I hadn’t asked Grandma Call to tell me about the tragic day when Mom was burned.

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Besides learning more about Mom’s struggles, challenges, and strength of overcoming this horrendous accident I witnessed how this event impacted Grandma. 

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At the time Grandma told me this story, it had been sixty years since Mom’s burn and as she told me about her experience with this tragedy, the pain and guilt that she carried with her since that horrible afternoon manifested itself. I witnessed Grandma’s eyes tear up and the tears begin tumbling down her cheeks as she thought about her part in this accident. 

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Grandma told me that she was cooking dinner and without thinking she poured some hot grease into a drinking cup that my mom often used and put it close to the edge of the counter. She described how her eighteen-month-old daughter came into the kitchen and wanted a drink of water and how Grandma wasn’t paying attention, so this little girl stood on her tippy toes and reached for her cup. She was barely able to grab it and when she got her little fingers around it, she pulled it towards her and as she did so it tipped over and the hot grease spilled onto her head and ran down her face and onto her neck and shoulders.

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Grandma described the blood curdling scream coming from her little girl and the thoughts that ran through her mind as she observed her daughter writhing in pain. She told me what actions she took to help her baby. Through all of this I felt her guilt and pain that she had lived with for so many years. Of course, my words of comfort were useless as I tried to reassure her that my mom held no animosity towards her. Grandma knew this but still the pain and guilt ate away at her, knowing the part she played in this tragedy.  

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It’s such a tender story with a strong message that I have used in many presentations both in my personal and as well as in my professional life. It is a story that has meaning for my sisters and me and for our children and grandchildren. Without Grandma’s story a valuable and treasured piece of family history would be gone with no way to get it back. Another and perhaps more important benefit of Grandma’s story includes the special bond that she and I formed because of this experience.



Happy Failing Forward,


Calvert Cazier