The Banana Man

When I was nineteen years old, I was living in Taranto, Italy, working with the Italian people. At the time I was working with a man from Nice, France who was older and more experienced than me. He spoke better Italian, understood the local culture, and helped me move forward more rapidly with my work. Two other men about the same age as me, doing the same work, were roommates with us.
 
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We lived on the second floor of an apartment building with a balcony on the south side. I really looked forward to my early morning ritual of sitting on the balcony enjoying the morning sun while I studied, meditated, and prepared for the day. Some days I was distracted as I turned my head to watch neighborhood women up and down the street hanging their laundry on a clothesline just outside of their windows. If I looked down, I often saw children walking to school in their school uniforms, some were kicking a soccer ball, and others were engrossed in conversation. 
 
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If I turned to the left, I watched a butcher hanging a side of beef outside his shop, as he was getting ready for the day. Because I had walked past this shop many times, I knew the flies would completely cover it within a few seconds of being hung there and I often watched in fascination when customers approached the butcher to buy a piece of the beef. The butcher would come out of his shop, carrying a big butcher knife, wave his arms to scare away the flies and then he would quickly cut off a piece of meat for his customer before the flies returned.
 
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Next to the butcher shop was a little short man less than five feet tall who supported himself by selling bananas from a cart. He stood underneath a big umbrella that protected him and his bananas from the sun. This man was very affable. Every morning when we walked past his stand, we would greet him and he would smile and say, “Buongiorno”.  We considered him our good friend. In fact, the postman delivered our mail to him, and he would put it in his cart until we picked it up later in the afternoon.
 
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My parents were conscientious letter writers and never missed a week of writing. However, one fateful week I didn’t get a letter, which stretched into a month without receiving any mail. The first week I was surprised, the second week I became frustrated, disappointment followed the third week, and by the fourth week without any mail I felt abandoned.
 
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I celebrated the day when I started receiving my mail again. I could not figure out why this happened nor could any of my fellow roommates. I wanted to understand so I could prevent it from happening again. Eventually I learned that in the first missing letter my parents included two dollars in cash. Those of us sharing the apartment suspected the banana man was keeping my mail anticipating more American money but no more was ever sent. I’ll never know what happened to my mail and it doesn’t even matter but what I did learn was that I had to be careful with my trust.
 
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It is important for parents to help their children learn how to trust, who to trust, and how to be trustworthy themselves. This experience woke me up as to how easy trust can be lost. The banana man was someone I thought I could trust and did trust until that trust was broken. It is important to teach our children the resiliency skill of trust and we should reinforce the concept that it is one of the basic ingredients in life success. 
 
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Without trust life will be difficult. Why? Because “to trust means to rely on another person because you feel safe with them and have confidence that they will not hurt or violate you. Trust is the foundation of relationships because it allows you to be vulnerable and open up to the person without having to defensively protect yourself.1”  -Romanoff- 
 
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We can help our children develop trust in their lives. How you may wonder? The best way is by example as we are dependable in our commitments, communications, and actions to them.

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Happy Failing Forward,


Calvert Cazier  PhD, MPH


PS Want to help your kids have less stress and more success at home and school? CLICK HERE to get a copy of our book, The Resiliency Toolkit: A Busy Parent’s Guide to Raising Happy, Confident, Successful Children.

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