Challenges of Playing Monopoly

Monopoly is one of those games that has probably been around since man first learned how to barter for bread, butter, and meat. I would not be surprised if someday the rules for this game were found in the non-translated manuscript of the Dead Sea Scrolls. I am certain that ancient merchants used it to establish their trading businesses to transport their wares to the market. 

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I believe the concepts learned in Monopoly are taught in all the great business schools such as Stanford, Harvard, Yale, and Princeton. Parents of the modern age use this game to help their children establish a fiscal foundation on how to manage their money. It is also used to prepare them to become big-time financial wizards with offices on Wall Street. 

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But the question remains. What does society today do with those children who are born with an incurable, biological disability known as ‘Degenerative Monopoly Syndrome’ (DMS)? This destructive emotional illness is becoming an epidemic of alarming proportion, which threatens to destroy the financial market in the United States.

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The manifestation of DMS include symptoms such as: jittery arms and legs at the first sight of the monopoly box; a sudden interest in doing homework rather than play monopoly; begging to take a nap or go to bed several hours before their usual bedtime; tears running freely down their cheeks when being forced to choose the shape of their game piece; extreme happiness when getting the ‘go to jail’ card and the same amount of frustration and sadness when drawing the ‘get out of jail’ card; frequent bathroom breaks; and finally, after playing for exactly one hour and forty-five minutes the most devastating DMS symptom occurs, when the impatient player stands up to go get a drink of water and seriously leg bumps the table, scattering the Monopoly game and its pieces all over the room.

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While this condition can ruin the average child it must be noted that not all hope is lost and parents can implement Rapid, Replacement, Reserve Therapy (RRRT). If incorporated quickly the child will grow to be normal. 

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While the makers of Monopoly recognize the importance of this game to the financial stability of our economy, they are also aware of the potential devastation if this business epidemic cannot be reversed or prevented. In a truly altruistic gesture, the Monopoly  manufacturer has invested millions of dollars in a CDC approved RRRT prevention solution.

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The RRRT is an easy to implement preventative solution to the Degenerative Monopoly Syndrome epidemic. It consists of parents doing one of the following for their children: 1) teach them patience and focus by making them count the grass blades growing in the front yard (of course for this to be effective the parents need to know how many there really are); 2) teach endurance by requiring your children to do something simple such as having them mathematically calculate the time it takes to flush exactly 1,250,210 drops of water down the toilet; or 3) teach them the art of negotiation by having them get on their knees and practice effective begging. 

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As parents we must work hard and exercise diligence and patience to help our children achieve their personal goals and overcome life’s most challenging moments. Learning the art of patience and diligence is something all parents can benefit from as they travel along the journey of parenthood. Monopoly can certainly help.

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Happy Failing Forward,


Calvert Cazier PhD, MPH


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