Dare to be Different – A Cowboy’s Example

In addition to the real-life cowboys who helped me grow and understand how to live and survive in this world, I must admit that I also learned a lot from the cowboys portrayed in the movies. One movie in particular, “Big Country” with Gregory Peck, has many insightful and helpful teaching moments that, if adopted, can help us and our children become stronger and more resilient as we face our challenges.


In this movie there are several scenes in which Gregory Peck is challenged to prove his manhood by fighting, breaking a horse that no other cowboy has been able to ride or break, or doing other things that cowboys do to prove themselves as real men. In each incident he declines and walks away from those things that in his opinion make him look like he’s showing off but in the eyes of his fiancée, her father, the ranch hands, and many others they perceive him to be a coward. It is easy to understand why these people feel this way, after all cowboys and real men in this culture have been doing these things for years as a means of demonstrating their masculinity.


But Gregory Peck doesn’t see the need of these cowboy customs just to prove that he is a real man. However, to his fiancée, her father, and all the ranch hands his refusal to do the manly cowboy challenges defined him as a coward. In fact, his fiancée allows her perception of his weakness to feel shame and embarrassment as he walks away from participating in the cowboy customs and challenges.


By profession he is a sea captain who fell in love with this woman from the wild west when she was living in Boston. In Boston, he courted her using the customary mores of that area. 


He is new to this part of the country and to the values and expectations found in this culture but surprisingly he has the inner strength, self-esteem, self-control, and self-confidence to face life his way without succumbing to superficial pressure. The problem is that the people on the ranch don’t recognize these qualities as strengths and they label him as weak.


Towards the end of the movie his bride-to-be finally sees a bit of the glint of the man that she fell in love with in Boston and she finally recognizes as being a brave man who is not going to allow others to dictate his life. Unfortunately, this realization comes too late, but her perception of his cowardly behavior is still hidden deep within her and causes her to become angry and lash out at him one more time. “Don’t you care what people think?”


To which Gregory Peck boldly and courageously responded, “No! I’m not responsible for what people think, only what I think.” 


The attitude of this fiancée made Gregory Peck re-consider a marriage to this woman. He was not interested in marrying someone who could not accept him for who he was and for the qualities and strengths he developed over a lifetime. He was more concerned that he remain true to himself. As a result, he moved on with his life without this woman.


He knew his strengths and capabilities and he had enough confidence in himself that he didn’t have to prove anything to anyone other than to himself. Was happy with who he was and he was not comfortable changing just to make someone else happy.


This is a great resiliency quality that we should teach our children as we help them develop their belief and confidence in themselves. Recognizing when they should walk away, with their heads held high, will help them develop the courage to depend on themselves when they have to stand alone. It will also help them ‘Dare to Be Different’ with their heads held high.


Let’s help our children ‘Fail Forward’ as they go through this experience we call life.