Don’t Be A “T_ _ _”!

I couldn’t believe it when some stranger called me a name, which I will not use but I will simply substitute it with the letter ‘T’. You can decipher the word by filling in the blank “tu_d”. Why would someone call me that name when everyone who knows me is aware that I am a nice, thoughtful, sensitive, fun-loving, grandfather who tries to always do what is right?


It was a silly misunderstanding, yet I was the one who was verbally attacked and suffered irreparable psychological damage. I was labeled, chewed-up, and spit out of this stranger’s mouth. 


Here’s the story! We were driving from Virginia to Salt Lake City to take my son’s furniture and his family’s belongings to be stored while they visited family and friends in Salt Lake before moving to Mali, Africa.


We stopped at a gas station in Sidney, Nebraska to fill up the tanks, buy something to munch on, and use the restroom. My grandson and I were driving the family car, and we pulled up to the pump, got out and were just getting ready to start pumping when my son pulled in behind us in their big 12 passenger van. My exceptional daughter-in-law immediately jumped out of the van and ran up to us to ask if we would move the car to the next pump so they could use ours (we had the first of two pumps, so her request was not unreasonable).


I got out of our car and told her to go back to her van because we wouldn’t move, and the man with the mouth (who was on the other side of the pump) heard what I said and immediately and loudly, for my benefit I’m sure, told Jenny that I was a ‘T’ and she could use his pump because he was done.


On the surface this man had a right to think I was a pompous ‘T’ but if he heard the entire comment, he would have told Jenny that I was a saint or an angel. So, what was it that changed me from a ‘T’ to an “angel”? It was the part of the conversation that he didn’t hear nor did Jenny. My complete comment that neither heard was, “I won’t move but if you wait a minute you can pull up and I will pay for your gas”.


This man reacted in a normal although incorrect manner because he didn’t have all the facts. 


As I thought about this simple misunderstanding, I wondered how many times parents make similar mistakes with their children. This story is a reminder of how easy it is to come to the wrong conclusion if we don’t have all the facts. It also demonstrates how easy it is to avoid reacting and making judgements if we stopped and checked all the facts. I know our children would appreciate it and would benefit from our consideration if we acted this way. Who knows, we might even enjoy this approach. It’s worth a try!