One, Two, Tango

In early 1967, I was living in Taranto, Italy. I met a man from Nice, France with whom I became friends and roommates for approximately six months. We lost contact, and I didn’t see him again until 2014 when I discovered we were living in the same city.


When we reconnected, I learned that he was a Tango instructor. He had won many dance competitions and still flew back to France for advanced training. He invited my wife and me to attend his class and learn to tango. I was not excited about dancing, but I knew my wife really enjoyed dancing and I thought she would be excited, so I accepted.


My wife is a beautiful dancer and a quick learner. On the other hand, I struggle just trying to remember whether I should start with my right foot or my left. Needless to say, my friend was impressed with Anne’s ability to adapt his instructions into beautiful and graceful moves. He was glad that Anne was there to help me and patiently guide me through this difficult and uncomfortable process.


As a couple we attended this class regularly for about eight weeks before he went back to France for more lessons from his Tango master.


While he was gone, I enjoyed my time practicing with Anne. I had really intended to continue my lessons when my friend returned but for some reason my desire to tango was gone by the time he returned. I’m sure Anne was disappointed, but I had lost all hope that I would ever amount to anything as a dancer and to be honest, I wasn’t really sad about my decision.


However, as I thought about this experience, I asked myself a question about this life enhancement skill, “Can tango lessons help me become more resilient?” I thought about it and answered with a question. “Did I improve my life in any way as a result of taking these lessons?”


The answer is simple. No, I didn’t, BUT I could have if I had persevered without giving up. Persevering with the lessons would have taught me the value of stepping out of my comfort box and trying new things, not giving up, enjoying the new journey, and being a risk taker. If I had accepted this challenge, I would have improved my life in a small but meaningful way. If I would have continued, I could have tasted the sweet feeling of success and the confidence that meeting a challenge instills.


Today I face another challenge to my comfort zone. A friend (who happens to be a trained singer and an excellent voice teacher) recently heard me tell a story in church. After the meeting she approached me and asked if I was a singer, to which I responded with an emphatic, “No!” and laughed silently to myself. She told me that I have a lot of voice control when I tell stories and she thought I could be trained to sing. I wasn’t sure but she convinced me to give it a try, so I agreed to ten lessons. 


The truth is, I’m more nervous about these voice lessons than I ever was about the Tango lessons, but I have made up my mind to complete them and learn if I can sing. I really want to taste the sweet feeling of success and reap the pleasure of meeting a challenge.


The message of what could’ve, should’ve been if I finished my tango lessons is a blotch on my ability to persevere through challenges and I think this message is important to share with our children as we try to help them become stronger so they can handle their challenges. I gave up and I reaped the reward of my efforts. I still don’t know whether I should start with my right foot or left foot, but I have an opportunity to redeem myself by stepping into another terrifying challenge. In the end I hope my children see the real BRAVE me and can say, “Well, at least he tried!”


If ever I sing a solo, I will get the word out and invite all you, my friends, to hear me!



Happy Failing Forward,

Calvert



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