Our Little Angel

Samantha Anne Cazier came prematurely into our lives on July 19, 1995. Even though she was early and small and had some medical challenges we loved this little girl, and we were grateful that she was part of our family.

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When we learned that she was coming early we were concerned for her and her mother, but we knew that she was in the capable hands of the doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals. We knew that she would face many challenges and we prayed that she would be able to meet and overcome them and become an integral member of this family.
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She had two parents who loved her and were ready to face the challenge of raising this beautiful little girl. She had four grandparents and four great-grandparents who were ready to provide support to her and her parents. She also had an older brother who was eighteen months old at the time and capable of being a great example and friend and mentor. In other words, Samantha was loved and wanted and cherished.

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After her birth the doctors gave her a thorough checkup and then placed her in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit where she received specialized care. Her mother spent hours with her every day and her father who was a full-time student and part-time wage earner spent as much time with her as he could. He tried to see her every day and give her a hug and kiss. Her grandparents did as much as they could for this precious little granddaughter.

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The doctors tried very hard to treat this little one so she could get well and live a normal, active, and healthy life. Test after medical tests were conducted to try to ascertain and accurately diagnose what her problems were so they could make the correct decisions about her condition. 

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Hundreds of thousands of dollars were spent on keeping her alive and helping her have the quality of life that every parent wants for their children. Paul and Jenny were falling deeper and deeper into debt and did not know how they would ever pay the hospital bills but nevertheless they wanted Samantha to keep fighting. We all appreciated Medicaid for making it possible for Paul and Jenny to avoid a deep and lingering debt.

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During her lifetime she left the hospital only twice both times in an ambulance. She left Utah Valley Regional Medical Center and was transported to the Primary Children’s Hospital for special tests and when the results came back that there wasn’t anything that could be done for this beautiful little girl, her parents made the decision to take her back to the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center where the doctors and nurses were familiar with her and the family. 

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After returning to her base hospital Paul and Jenny visited with the medical team to determine the course of action for Samantha. The pros and cons were discussed without the medical team making any judgements or suggestions about the course of action that should be taken. 

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A short time later Paul and Jenny asked their parents to join them at a special gathering for discussing their decision and to feel their parents love for them and for Samantha. They wanted help in making the decision of keeping Samantha alive and in the condition she was in (the doctors told them that she would never get any better than she was at that time) or letting her go and pass on to the next world.

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In that meeting there were tears shed, hugs given freely, and prayers of gratitude and asking for comfort and advice. We probably spent close to two hours in that situation and at the end Paul and Jenny asked for the feelings of each of the six of us present. We expressed our thoughts knowing that the final decision had to be made by Samantha’s parents. They decided to let her go.

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On March 22, 1996, after eight months of life, the day came when once again we gathered as a family to share tears, hold, hug, and kiss Samantha goodbye. At the time of her departure, she was being held by her mother sitting in a rocking chair. Her departure was sad, but she left a room filled with love and gratitude for having her for the eight months she shared with us.

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Sometimes life gives us difficulties that seem impossible to cope with but by persevering and with the love of a family we can get through anything. We still miss Samantha and think about her often, but we recognize that she has eight other brothers and sisters who can benefit from our supply of love. Let’s share our love with our children frequently through kind words, hugs, humor, kisses, and time. Neither they nor us will ever regret this gift.


Happy Failing Forward,