Red Ink

“Any color but red!” responded the seasoned public school teacher when I asked what colors I should use to show progress through the stages of Conquering Homework in Middle School, our new membership program for parents.

That got me thinking about the association of red with failure in school. I still cringe at the memory of receiving papers back from Mr. Bowman, one of my English teachers. They were covered in bold red cross outs, corrections, and suggestions; they seemed to be dripping blood red. I wanted to hide under the desk and felt that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do anything right.

The funny thing is that although I sweated bullets over each assignment, I actually always earned an A in the class. Looking back, I think my teacher was trying to encourage me by giving me so much feedback.

That was totally lost on me at the time. Clearly my teacher put in a lot of effort, and I realize now how much I learned from him. In fact, his “voice” floats right off those old papers and comes to me even today as I sit down to write. Watch out for that split infinitive! Use the active tense!

Unfortunately, I also carried away a lot of insecurity and self-doubt from my years in school. Sometimes, in an honest attempt to help our own kids learn and grow, do we, like my old English teacher, bombard them with a constant stream of corrections and suggestions?

Do we try to “encourage” our kids by saying:

You could have raised your grade if you had just studied harder for the test.

Why didn’t you get that assignment done sooner? 

Now it’s late and you’ll lose points. 

What were you thinking?

You know better.

One of the greatest skills we need as parents is knowing how to support and nurture our children’s growth without criticizing, finding fault, or bombarding them with suggestions for improvement. 

Finding that balance is a wonderful win-win. Our relationships with our kids will flourish and they will enjoy greater success at home and school.

Here’s to more resilient wins for all,

Anne