“So, What! My Mother’s Approach!”

As a student in elementary, junior high, and high school I was at best an average student. I earned mostly C’s, some B’s, a few D’s, and occasionally an ‘A’. While I got a few E’s on tests and some class assignments, I don’t ever remember getting one on my report card. One term in junior high I earned one ‘A’ and the other six grades were D’s, ranging from a D+ to a D-. My sisters, on the other hand, got mostly A’s and B’s.


Needless to say, I wasn’t ever considered for the honor roll or advanced classes. I struggled in school but was not aware of why it was so difficult. I remember that sometime in high school I took an aptitude test to determine what I might like to do as a career and when the results came back, I was called into the counselor’s office to discuss my score.


I was asked what I wanted to do as a career, and I responded by saying I wasn’t sure, but I planned to go to college. He then explained the facts about being a college student. “For every hour of classes, the average student takes they can expect two hours of homework. So, if they take the average load of 15 hours then they will be spending approximately 30 hours per week doing homework for a total of 45 hours of school work.”


He then explained that my scores on the aptitude test were low and that if I went to college, I would need to spend four hours doing homework for every hour I was in class. “Therefore,” he said, “you will need to spend 60 hours per week doing homework, plus the 15 hours in the classroom for a total of 75 hours each week.”


I have always had good hand/eye coordination and one of the tests required stacking washers on wooden pegs, and I did very well on this part. Because of his perception of my struggles with school and my scores on the ‘peg stacking’ component, he recommended that I go to a trade school and become a ‘type setter’.


I left that room believing that he just told me that I wasn’t smart or capable enough to go to college. Perhaps he didn’t say that exactly, but I am certain to this day that that is what he meant. I was discouraged, devastated, and down on myself.


When I got home that day, the first person I saw and spoke with was my mother. She could tell that something was bothering me and even though I tried denying it she eventually learned about my experience with the counselor.


When I got through telling her what happened she looked me in the eyes, as only a mother can do, and said two words to me, “So what!” She went on to elaborate, “So what if you have to study harder than others, that man doesn’t know your desire; so what if you have to work harder, that man doesn’t know anything about your work ethic; so what if school is hard for you, that man doesn’t know anything about your talents and hidden abilities.” She went on to help me understand that if I wanted a college education badly enough that man holding my test scores couldn’t stop me.


That day my mother motivated me and helped me understand that if I wanted a college education then it was up to me. She helped me strengthen my resilience by planting the seed of self-esteem and belief in myself.


I went to college and graduated with a BS Degree from the University of Utah, a Master of Public Health Degree from the University of Tennessee, and later in life I earned a PhD Degree from the University of Utah.


While developing resilience is a personal journey, the road leading to it is not traveled alone. Rather, it also needs the love, support, and trust of a family and others who love and care for our happiness and success.



Happy Failing Forward,


Calvert Cazier