The Boy from Indonesia
Around 1962, when I was in junior high school, Roy and his family moved into my neighborhood. They were immigrants from Indonesia and didn’t speak English. He came from a home where love was plentiful, his parents worked hard, they were honest, they set an example for all their children, and they were doing their best to help their family adjust to a new life and culture.
When school started that fall Roy’s language barrier made him an easy candidate for cruelty, as well as an easy pigeon for those guys who were not nice and who were looking for someone that would do things that they were smart enough not to do themselves. Roy was just the type of guy they were looking for.
He was a fun guy who had a great personality, a smile that was always present, naïve, and a strong desire to fit in and be accepted by his new American friends. Culturally he was out of place because he didn’t know the social norms, customs, and expectations of his new home in a strange country. Therefore, he didn’t have the proper guidelines about what was acceptable and what wasn’t.
Some of his classmates got great pleasure teaching and encouraging him to say and do inappropriate things which would often lead him into trouble without him even understanding what he was doing wrong. For example, they encouraged him to approach a girl, and they taught him what he should say to her, unfortunately what they taught him was vulgar and very inappropriate. They made sure that they were close enough to hear what he said to this girl, so they would get their jollies and a good laugh at his expense as she humiliated him without him even realizing what was going on.
Another time his so-called “friends” led him into more serious trouble as they helped him make the principal the target of their cruelty. Unfortunately, Roy trusted these guys and never understood that this misplaced trust always led him into trouble. I have often wondered why he never caught on to the fact that these guys did not have his best interest at heart? He was an intelligent person, so why didn’t he ever learn? Why did he let these boys have so much influence over him in ways he was really not proud of?
I don’t know the answer to those questions, but I do know that as the year proceeded, his so-called friends continued goading him into increasingly more serious and destructive activities that led him into trouble. For some reason, perhaps because he wanted to be accepted, he chose to continue this association.
As far as I can remember Roy moved from our neighborhood after that year of school, and I never heard any more about him.
As I think about Roy, I wonder what, if anything, I could have done differently to help him acclimate to a new culture by helping him use his talents and strengths in a positive direction. I believe Roy had a lot of potential, but he got lost in an imperfect system.
As parents, one of our biggest concerns is how well our children will be able to adjust, live, and function in society as they get older and go out on their own.
Using Roy’s story as an example, I believe parents can prevent similar problems by helping their children understand that they cannot control the actions of others, but they do control their own reactions. Helping our children learn to control their reactions and making wise decisions is a skill worth developing.
Happy Failing Forward,
Calvert Cazier
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