The Doctor And The Pigs
On January 2, 1925, Martha Ann Call lay on her bed in a small farmhouse in Wendell, Idaho. She was expecting her fifth child. It was cold outside as well as in the house. The two oldest daughters were sent to get firewood while the two youngest were in bed with her trying to keep warm. Her husband, Ambrose, and the family doctor were in the next room talking about pigs.
“Doctor, the baby is coming!” Ann yelled.
The doctor discounted her warning. “Now Mrs. Call,” he replied, “Relax! You still have a little time to wait.” Then he and Ambrose went back to their engrossing discussion about pigs.
A moment later, Ann called once again to the doctor, but received the same answer. She tried a few more times to get his attention but to no avail.
In desperation she got more forceful. “If something happens to this baby I will never forgive either one of you!” This got their attention. The talk of pigs was forgotten, they rushed to Ann’s aid, and were surprised to see a little baby girl lying there on the bed.
One look at this little girl let the doctor know he needed to act quickly if he was going to save her life. He alternated between putting her in cool water and then warm water, over and over until he knew that she would be all right.
This little girl survived the pigs and lived for seventy-nine years.
The resiliency concept in this story is the importance of listening, to our spouses and our children as one important way to show that they are important to us and that we respect them.
Calvert F. Cazier, PhD., MPH
Chair, Utah Chapter of TAA
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Anne's Corner
Effective communication is absolutely necessary for strong, healthy relationships, so I’m going to ask you to do something really hard. When your child starts talking to you, especially if you think they are being unreasonable or unfair, stop, take a slow breath, in and out, and then really listen. This can be so hard. When it is really hard for me, it helps if I handle it like I’m taking notes for a lecture at school or a business meeting and I have to catch all the important points. Let your child say what they want to say without interrupting, then, using your own words, begin with something like, “OK, what I heard you say was…(review what they said), and then ask, “Did I get that right?” Let them clarify if they think you didn’t get it just right. Be sure to include both the content of what they said and how you think they are feeling, like sad, hurt, angry, frustrated, etc. If at all possible, find some truth in what they have said, with words such as, “You make a good point” or “It is perfectly understandable that you see things that way or want to do that.” Notice you are focusing on understanding, not on agreeing or disagreeing. Wait until you are sure your child feels understood before you respectfully tell them how you see the situation and how you feel about it. Respectfully hearing out our children and considering their point of view will help you create the best possible environment for them to hear you and respect your decisions as a parent. P.S. This is really effective with your partner too
Anne's Corner
Effective communication is absolutely necessary for strong, healthy relationships, so I’m going to ask you to do something really hard. When your child starts talking to you, especially if you think they are being unreasonable or unfair, stop, take a slow breath, in and out, and then really listen. This can be so hard. When it is really hard for me, it helps if I handle it like I’m taking notes for a lecture at school or a business meeting and I have to catch all the important points. Let your child say what they want to say without interrupting, then, using your own words, begin with something like, “OK, what I heard you say was…(review what they said), and then ask, “Did I get that right?” Let them clarify if they think you didn’t get it just right. Be sure to include both the content of what they said and how you think they are feeling, like sad, hurt, angry, frustrated, etc. If at all possible, find some truth in what they have said, with words such as, “You make a good point” or “It is perfectly understandable that you see things that way or want to do that.” Notice you are focusing on understanding, not on agreeing or disagreeing. Wait until you are sure your child feels understood before you respectfully tell them how you see the situation and how you feel about it. Respectfully hearing out our children and considering their point of view will help you create the best possible environment for them to hear you and respect your decisions as a parent. P.S. This is really effective with your partner too 