The New GIRL!

Anne’s family moved from California to Salt Lake City, Utah in time for her to start Junior High at a new school. She obviously was the new girl in the neighborhood, and she was nervous about her new school and making new friends. She was very shy and despite being an ‘A’ student she was unsure of herself. 

A few weeks later she had an experience that really impacted her confidence and self-esteem in a negative way. It started one afternoon shortly after Anne got home from school. A girl in Anne’s neighborhood knocked on her door to invite her to a birthday party, but the invitation lacked sincerity, which was obvious from the next words that spewed out of her mouth. Her invitation went something like this, “My mother said I had to invite you to my birthday party BUT you had better not come!”

Think about the impact on this teenage girl of being welcomed into the neighborhood like this. Anne was used to being left out, but this direct rejection took things to an entirely new level. Of course, after this girl left, Anne had to ask herself, “What is wrong with me? What did I do to her for her to treat me like this?” It would be ridiculous to assume that Anne was not hurt and confused by this immature and selfish behavior. It did impact her for the short term, but Anne was a young woman who would not let this incident stop her in the big picture of growing up and creating a wonderful life for herself. 

A day or two later, this beautiful, sensitive, young girl told her mom what had happened. Her mother was a woman without guile and couldn’t believe anyone would stoop so low and be so cruel as this neighbor girl who, after all, came from a nice family who had been friendly to Anne's mom since they had moved in. 

In a kind and gentle way Anne’s mom tried comforting her by suggesting there must be a mistake. “You must have misunderstood, Anne. Your friend wouldn’t say something so cruel to you. I want you to get her a present and go to the party.” Anne’s immediate thought was, “Yeah, right!”

It was plain and simple to Anne that she was not welcome, and she wasn’t going to subject herself to the humiliation and embarrassment that she knew she would experience if she went to the party. She didn’t go! 

 Anne’s mom missed an opportunity to comfort and help her daughter. At that moment Anne needed a mother’s hug and an understanding of her pain. 

It is important to remember that Anne’s mom loved her and would not do anything to hurt her daughter, but in this instance, she didn’t understand the cruelty that this girl was really capable of implementing. This story emphasizes the importance of listening to our children.

It's important to realize that while this was a painful experience in the long run this mean girl did not keep Anne from succeeding. Anne soon made wonderful friends and had many great adventures. She graduated from East High School and was awarded the Presidential Scholarship to the University of Utah. 

All of our children will face some great obstacle in their lives, and it is up to us as parents to be there for them, to support and encourage them through their challenges. Above all, please listen!

Happy Failing Forward,

Calvert Cazier