The New Girl
Anne moved from California to Salt Lake City, Utah in time to start Junior High at a new school. She was the new girl in the neighborhood and was nervous about her school and making new friends. She was very shy and unsure of herself, despite being an ‘A’ student.
A few weeks after school started a girl in her neighborhood approached Anne and invited her to a birthday party, but the invitation lacked sincerity. The girl invited her like this, “My mother said I had to invite you to my birthday party BUT you better not come!”
Think about the impact this invitation had on this teenage girl. Anne was used to being left out, but this direct rejection took things to a new level. Of course she asked herself, “What is wrong with me? Why did she do this to me?”
A day or two later, this beautiful, sensitive, young girl told her mom what had happened. Her mother was a woman without guile and couldn’t believe anyone could be so cruel, especially this neighbor girl, after all she came from a nice family and Anne’s mom knew her mother.
In a kind and gentle way Anne’s mother tried comforting her by suggesting there was a mistake. “You must have misunderstood, Anne. Your friend wouldn’t say something so cruel to you. I want you to get her a present and go to the party.”
It was plain and simple that Anne was not welcome, and she wasn’t going to subject herself to the humiliation and embarrassment. She knew what would happen if she went. She didn’t go!
Anne’s mom missed an opportunity to comfort and help a daughter. Anne needed a mother’s hug and an understanding of her pain.
It is important to remember that Anne’s mom loved her and would not do anything to hurt her daughter, but in this instance she didn’t understand the cruelty this girl exhibited. This example emphasizes the importance of listening to our children. A short investigation could have discovered the truth, which would have allowed Anne’s mother to take a more helpful approach in this situation.
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Anne's Corner
My mother truly was a loving and caring mother and years after this experience she and I had a wonderful, healing conversation and learned much from and about each other. Of all the things I know about building relationships, I can’t say this strongly enough, “Listen to your child, really listen.” I know this is hard in the busy hub-bub of the day. It’s so much easier to dismiss them or let it slip by. The key is true empathy, really placing yourself in your child’s shoes and trying to imagine what their experience is like for them. Research shows that it is important to hear both the actual content your child is trying to convey and how they are feeling. After your child tells you something, your first response should be to make sure you heard both the content and their feelings correctly.
Anne's Corner
My mother truly was a loving and caring mother and years after this experience she and I had a wonderful, healing conversation and learned much from and about each other. Of all the things I know about building relationships, I can’t say this strongly enough, “Listen to your child, really listen.” I know this is hard in the busy hub-bub of the day. It’s so much easier to dismiss them or let it slip by. The key is true empathy, really placing yourself in your child’s shoes and trying to imagine what their experience is like for them. Research shows that it is important to hear both the actual content your child is trying to convey and how they are feeling. After your child tells you something, your first response should be to make sure you heard both the content and their feelings correctly. 