The Red Phone

That’s my grandpa on the phone, the red power phone. We were in a beautiful hotel in Tokyo, summer 1972. It was a wonderful trip, but at that particular moment, no one was having fun yet. 

You see, Grandpa didn’t speak Japanese, and whoever he was talking to clearly didn’t speak English, so they were in a bit of a conundrum. To get his point across, Grandpa slooowwwed waaayyy dooowwwn, Said . Each . Word . One . At . A . Time, and got louder and louder and louder!

It didn’t help.

Ever felt that way trying to talk with your tweens and teens? Could you swear you used to speak the same language and wonder what happened?

Rest assured you are not alone or going insane. 

But maybe in desperation you’ve found yourself sounding a bit like my grandpa:

“Time to get your homework done.” 

“Time . To . Get . Your . Homework . Done!”

“Time . To . Get . Your . Homework . Done. Now!” 

And it doesn’t help, red phone or not.

The past few weeks, we’ve been talking with parents in the Conquering Homework program about how to get their kids to talk with them, and they are loving what’s happening in their families. 

Here’s a few ideas to help you and your teen start talking more again:

1. Invite. Unless there is a life threatening emergency, tell your teen what you want to talk about and ask if they would rather talk now or later. If they pick later, set a time and come back.
2. Start calm. Easier said than done for sure, but as researcher Dr. John Gottman observes, it’s incredibly hard to turn around a conversation after it gets off to a rough start.
3. Stay calm. You are starting a conversation. Be curious and open to learning about your teen’s perspective. 

Don’t rush to solve a problem or finish a conversation. Brief moments can add up and become a whole new way of interacting.

Here’s to more resilient wins at home and school,

Anne