Unpacking My Parents Trunk

Last week I was lying on the bed in our guest bedroom. I was just daydreaming when I turned towards the bookcase and saw a book with a fascinating title and so I had to take it down and open it and read it. The title was, “I Unpacked My Grandmother’s Trunk” by Susan Ramsay Hoguer. Inside the cover was Anne’s daughter Laurel’s name.


I learned that this book is a word game that Anne’s daughters used to play while traveling. The game starts with the first player saying, “I unpacked my grandmother’s trunk, and out of it I took an acrobat (or any other object beginning with ‘a’).” Then the second player repeats what the previous person said and adds a new object beginning with a ‘b’. For example, “I unpacked my grandmother’s trunk, and out of it I took an acrobat and a bear.” The players continue repeating the same phrase and adding a new object beginning with each letter of the alphabet.


As I thought about this book, I wondered what my parents’ life trunk would contain if I could remove the items one by one. I concluded that I wouldn’t be removing anything tangible or valuable in terms of monetary value, but I still wondered what it would contain as I thought about their contributions to my life and the lives of my sisters. When I started thinking this way, I experienced a flood of thoughts about what I would find in their trunk.


First, I need to clarify that there would be only one trunk with individual components because they were a team and most of the time, they were a symbiotic couple that was stronger together than if they were separate. They supported each other as well as each of their four children. As a result of their contributions, they built a close family relationship which allowed each of us to be ourselves while fitting in and strengthening the family construct.


I  remember times when we would sit around the dinner table or in the front room just relaxing and telling family stories and laugh and enjoy the time together. There were other times when we would discuss the affairs of the nation or challenges we faced or any number of other topics. Sometimes the discussion was hard, and we tried to listen carefully and make a comment or two and perhaps even shed a tear.


In this memory trunk I would find lessons of integrity, honesty, faith, love, service to the less fortunate, hope for a better tomorrow, encouragement and confidence, peace, warmth, humor, and hundreds of other life lessons. These were some of the most important items I would ever find in this trunk.  


This parental trunk would also contain memories of me messing up and confessing to something that I happened to do wrong. As this happened, I developed a great relationship with my mother, (there were times, all be it few, when she caught me in an apparent wrong before I could confess). In these special moments I knew that she would provide discipline if necessary and I also knew that she would tell my dad, but he would never say anything to me because he trusted my mother’s judgment about handling the situation.


Offering advice only after being asked for it is another item that I would find in this chest. I learned that I never got too old to ask my parents for advice. I remember the time I was contemplating returning to school to get my PhD and I asked dad what he thought about it. I was 57 years old, and a PhD would not help me professionally, but it is something I had thought about for several years. My first wife Carol and my mom had both passed away (seventeen days apart) and I may have been looking for some adventure. Dad suggested that I might as well do it as time was going to pass me by anyway so I might as well have something to show for it. I did go for it and I’m glad I listened.


My parental trunk would provide me with memories of one-on-one time with my dad as we traveled to Yellowstone National Park with other fathers and sons from our church. It was on this trip that I was chased by an angry momma bear and ate a lot of chocolate malts. I got to experience my father in a way I had never experienced before. I still have fond memories of this trip.


This family trunk would include singing songs in the car as we traveled to Afton, Wyoming for a visit with our grandparents and cousins. In the car we would also eat cookies, licorice, and other goodies as we were together for nearly four hours and these activities helped pass the time. Believe it or not, we enjoyed our time together (most of the time).


This trunk would not be complete without remembering all the lessons my sisters and I learned from our parents. We learned to pray and appreciate the spiritual aspects of our parents’ lives and beliefs. We knew that we were loved and would always be welcome in their home no matter what life choices we made. We were aware that love was the basic ingredient, and we were shown how to love and to express love. I remember expressing love every night before going to bed. Our parents told us they loved us every time we left the house for school, or on a date, or wherever else we went.


They not only told us that we were loved but they also shared their love with each other in a way that we saw and implemented in our own marriages. Whenever they greeted each other or said goodbye they would give one another kiss three little kisses which said to each other, “I love you!”


My parent’s trunk benefited us while we lived in their home, and even though they are gone it still benefits us today. We use the contents of this trunk everyday as we try to teach or set a good example to our children and grandchildren.


As parents I believe we need to be aware of the family trunk we are creating for our children and grandchildren and fill it up with happy thoughts and pleasant memories.



Happy Failing Forward,