Worst Trip Ever

I had to really think hard about this question and add a personal caveat which is that in 75 years of my earthly existence I have not been on many vacations, so I don’t remember ever experiencing a bad one. I racked my brain until I got a headache from thinking so hard (not really but it would have come if I hadn’t changed my approach) so I came up with a great solution. I decided that to answer this question I would make everything up.

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I’ll start with the quick trip I took to Greenland where I jumped into the Artic Ocean and swam to the North Pole to visit my friend and yours, Santa Claus. I always wanted to visit the real Santa at his home and ask him two simple questions, “Do you ever get frustrated with the kids you work for?” and then a follow-up question, “Do you ever run into obnoxious parents and if you do, do you bring them a stocking full of coal?” Then I added, “It would serve them right if you do!”

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Of course, Santa Clause gave me his infamous chuckle and said, “No, I don’t bring them coal, but I get even with them in a different way!” He told me that he spikes the family’s Christmas eggnog with caffeine and the kids go crazy and become uncontrollable for the rest of the night staying up until 4:00 am. I simply said, “Nice touch!” 

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One of the most important things my parents taught me when I was younger was to appreciate Santa and all the time and effort he devoted to helping my family and me enjoy Christmas. I guess they taught my sisters and me well because we never got coal in our stockings. 

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Another vacation I took was a trip down the Amazon River to go fishing for piranha just to see if these cute little guys were as mean as everyone described. I decided on a sure-fire plan to make such a determination. It was a simple plan. I would catch a crocodile (just a little one of four feet or less) and dangle its tail in the piranha infested waters. I figured that if the stories I had heard were true then they would nibble the meat off his tail. But what I discovered was that these little fish not only had sharp teeth, but they also had a brain that signaled them to be careful because this tail belonged to relatives living in this water that were not afraid of a little piranha, so when I dropped the tail in, they scattered like sheep with a coyote in the middle of the flock. I was impressed by their intelligence. I released the crocodile, and he waved thanks as he swam away.

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For the third trip I must deviate from my earlier comment of making up a story. This story is true, and it involves an alligator in the Everglades of Florida. It is such a fantastical story I know people will accuse me of having a good imagination and made up a real whooper, but unfortunately this one is a TRUE experience, and it is told without any exaggeration.

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Anne and I were visiting our son and his family who were living in Florida. We decided to visit the Everglades to observe some alligators in their natural habitat. We went to a park run by rangers of the Florida Fish and Game Department because we figured it would be the safest place to observe these creatures and we believed that the rangers had them tamed so they wouldn’t bite us.

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We rented two canoes but because we were not allowed to take the baby in them (undoubtedly a wise regulation), we had to leave me on the shore to watch the baby and I would go when the others got back. They were gone for about a half hour or so and when they came back, they were excited and described all the things they had seen. They talked about all the alligators they saw and their teeth and big mouths and the fact that these giant reptiles were sleeping all the time.

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After listening to their reports, I was excited to go so I climbed aboard a canoe with my son Paul and his wife Jenny, and we started our adventure. We began paddling around the Everglades to see what we could see. It was a wonderful experience to be with family on this great adventure, but one little event happened that could have ruined the trip. 

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As we were returning and approaching the mouth of the bay where our trip started Paul, trying to be funny, said something like, “If we tipped over dad would scream like a little girl!” Paul and Jenny started to laugh so I responded by saying, “Oh, yeah, watch this!” I then pretended to tip the canoe over, but unfortunately, I really flipped it over. On the bank about 100 feet from us lay a big sleeping alligator, at least a 14-footer. Fortunately, it was not hungry but that didn’t give us any comfort. Even with danger lurking we looked at each other, then at the alligator as we struggled to right the canoe. Our efforts were useless, so we did what came naturally, we laughed. 

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The rangers noticed us and realized that we couldn’t swim faster than the alligators, so they hopped into their canoes, post haste, paddled to us, and rescued us from the jaws of death.

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Even though my family and I were nearly eaten by an alligator we still had a great time, and I can’t say that it was a bad trip.

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After writing this post I have formed an opinion. It is my opinion and perhaps you may disagree but it is my story so I will include it. I believe that there is no such thing as a bad vacation or trip. It may not go as planned and it might have a few surprises which can create some interesting challenges, but this doesn’t mean the trip was ruined or that it should be considered bad. I believe that all potential problems, while frustrating, don’t have to negatively impact the trip. After all, the purpose of a vacation is to get away from home and experience adventures with the family which creates memories and strengthens relationships.

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Happy Failing Forward,